When I first heard this new-fangled term, I assumed it was just a hoity-toity way for a Hollywood elitist to make herself feel unique and special and better about getting a divorce than the rest of the divorcing public, whether famous or not. And I think, in a way, I'm right. Then I read the "explanation."
Wow.
Basically, a couple of people decided that since we're living longer than we used to, it's not reasonable for people to promise "until death" or "forever" because it'll last a lot longer. In their minds, it's unreasonable and unrealistic for people to choose to stay together more than 10 or 15 years. And since humans' life expectancies has increased exponentially over the past 100 years, marriage vows can realistically be expected to last a decade or so, then cycle through to the next relationship. Nowadays, we ought to have an average of 3 or so marriages because no one can commit to just one person for 50 years! So...after we go through the honeymoon phase and realize our spouse isn't perfect, we stew and brew and get irritated for few years until we decide we're better off apart and we "consciously uncouple" but still make nice for the kiddos.
What a bunch of bologna! (No offense to bologna...) I don't care what generation you're in or how old you are or how old you are when you get married. Love is a choice. Marriage is a choice. It is a lifetime commitment that we are quite capable of keeping should we choose to put forth the effort. It isn't always easy or pretty. It doesn't always work. Some marriages should never be entered into; some cannot be saved. Some divorces are not wanted by both parties. But marriage CAN last.
I think its a very lazy cop-out to claim life expectancy should change commitments. Marriage is more than a piece of paper. It's more than an "I love you today, so I'll stay." It's "I love you. I will choose to always love you. I'll choose to always stay. I'll choose to change and grow with you, not apart from you. I'll love whomever you become and expect the same from you for me. I'll choose to stay when the feeling isn't easily found, bubbling up on the surface. I'll choose to wake up and love you even when I don't like you." But it's also "I cannot believe how much I love you and love the life we've made for ourselves. I cannot believe how happy I am in daily and simple things. I can't believe how much I laugh with you and how blessed I am that we choose each other. I cannot believe how rich my life is because you are in it and we have chosen to stay together, even through the challenges." Love is a choice. Marriage is a choice. It should not be entered into lightly. It shouldn't be entered into with an "until-I-change-my-mind" mentality.
I have said "'til death." Twice. I meant it. And you know what? As hard as it was to take it so seriously that my husband actually died, I loved again so deeply that I said it again, knowing what I was risking. Knowing what I might go through. Knowing that, until Lino or I are called from this life, I commit to being his wife.
My brother is an awesome guy, for a lot of reasons. One of the things I love most deeply about him is his willingness to ask or say things that probably other people think but no one would have the gumption to voice. And maybe that's because we're siblings. If so, I have a precious gift in him that no one else gets. And I am blessed. Either way, I remember after marrying Lino, my brother asking, "Was it hard or weird when you got to 'til death do us part?'" Yes, Matt. It was weird. It can't help but bring back of flood of emotions and memories. And yes, it was hard. Recalling mine and Nathan's last journey is never easy. But I never regret going through it or thinking of it. But it was also a very easy promise to make again. It was easy because my worst fears have already been realized and I know that, no matter what, God is still God. And I am still here. And as long as God keeps me here, He has good things to give me and work for me to do on His behalf.
So I will live my life filled with love and hope and life and joy. I will say "Til Death!" And I will mean it. There will be no "conscious uncoupling." Rather, we will not go gentle into that good night. This family, this marriage will be CONSCIOUSLY tended and cared for and worked on and joy-filled until death separates us.
