I am not crafty mom. I am not creative mom. I am not even "let him play with play-doh every time he asks" mom. I am not structured without flexibility mom. I probably let him watch more television than he should (although, in my defense, the kid loves "Andy and Barney.") I am not perfect. And I'll not claim to be.
But I have to admit, the days when the television is off longer, I enjoy more. I'll put on music and we dance and act silly. Or I'll turn it off entirely and go take my shower. When I come out, he's using his imagination and creatively playing with his toys or singing and drumming on whatever he can find.
Today, we acted silly together like super heroes. (Jackson started it by draping a blanket on his shoulders and saying, "I super!") So I grabbed my fuzzy pink bathrobe, Lino grabbed the throw from the back of the sofa, and we tied those, as well as Jackson's blanket, around all three of our necks. (That way, our capes wouldn't fall as we "flew.") We ran around with capes flowing behind us. We proclaimed our super-ness. Then after dinner, we played with a few puzzles. (I'm always impressed at how much more our son knows than I realize.) Then we read a few books. And I'm always amazed that he has memorized some of the books and wants to take his turn "reading" to us. Then we sang a few songs and just generally enjoyed being together as a family.
And it got me thinking. I don't know at what age memories and moments become imprinted on children. I don't know if he'll remember any of these things. I don't know if he'll recall playing superheroes when he's a teenager or father or granddad. I'm not sure if these moments matter in the grand scheme of his life. But they sure matter in the grand scheme of mine. And so, if these memories are made only for me, they are beautiful, worthwhile moments I know I'll carry with me the rest of my life. These times make me so grateful for the child I have, the husband I have, the job I have, and the life I have. I know the days I want to pull my hair out, these small memories will soothe me and remind me how very blessed I am.
So I'll make memories. Hopefully, I'll realize how much I enjoy these days and be more deliberate to make them wonderful more often. I'll keep these memories. I'll understand what the Bible said when it was written, "She treasured these things and pondered them in her heart." I'll lock away these memories as treasures of the wonderous grace and mercy God gave me in this little family.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Choosing God on this side of Eternity
I've thought a lot lately about one of the misconceptions about people who choose to believe in and love and trust in God. I think a lot of people, believers, agnostics, and atheists, are under the impression that belief in the Almighty is simply a free pass from suffering in the afterlife. How sad and misguided! People fail to remember that life on this planet was meant to be permanent and perfect and lovely. When WE chose to reject the perfection He offered us, another plan was set into motion.
But believing in Christ and accepting his offer of salvation and eternal life isn't the only gifts He gives. Rather, the Giver of Life wants us to experience a full and satisfying life on THIS side of Eternity, as well as the other side. Choosing Christ is not a promise to have no problems or trials or sufferings on Earth. (Actually, He kind of said the exact opposite.) But what we do have in the midst of those trials and sufferings is amazing. And, in my opinion, something a relationship with a false deity or no belief in the Higher Power, can offer.
What we have on Earth is Peace and Joy. God gives us peace in the most horrific of circumstances, even when we don't understand it. While we cry, He weeps with us. He holds us in His arms. But then He does something incredible. He turns our mourning into JOY. His timing for that transition is unique in every situation. And we must let Him. It is usually subtle. It sneaks up on us. But He puts a glimmer of a smile where we never thought we'd find one again.
He gives us Trust. He allows us to trust Him and our fellow human beings. I think we're a suspicious breed by nature because we know the sin and deceit of which we're capable. But through Him, through the trust that He's gained by proving Himself faithful and true throughout the ages, we trust one another. And we become people who can be trusted.
He pours out Blessings. He desperately wants to spoil us with His love. And He's so creative in how He does it! Maybe our salary isn't as big as we think it out to be. But maybe our money stretches further because He allows our car not to break down. Or He provides a mechanic who cuts us a break. Or milk and bread are on sale when payday's a week away. Maybe He gives us blessings in the form of the lives He allows us to intersect. Maybe He puts your new lifelong bestie in your path in the most obscure and unlikely of ways.
And most of all, He gives us Grace and Mercy. For me, I cannot consider one of these attributes by itself. Grace is getting what we don't deserve. Mercy is not getting what we do deserve. How humbling both of those thoughts are! In a culture that preaches entitlement, it's an honor to know that our life is not steered by what we do or don't deserve. Our lives are guided by His richness in Glory. The Grace that I've received time and again is almost unfathomable. And the Mercy. Oh the Mercy. So often I continue to pray, "Please don't give me what I deserve!" And I have so much more than I could ask for or imagine. And the best part of all? His Mercies are new every morning. His faithfulness never ceases, even on this side of Heaven.
Don't get me wrong. The idea of spending an Eternity with the Creator greatly excites me. I believe in Heaven. But I don't think I'm supposed to rush to get there. God has given me so much here on Earth. I want to treasure and cherish every person, every blessing, every possible moment while I'm allowed. God is truly a God of Eternity. He stretches from Age to Age, Beginning to End. His love doesn't begin with our Death. So why should we limit His blessings and riches of LIFE to solely the afterlife?
But believing in Christ and accepting his offer of salvation and eternal life isn't the only gifts He gives. Rather, the Giver of Life wants us to experience a full and satisfying life on THIS side of Eternity, as well as the other side. Choosing Christ is not a promise to have no problems or trials or sufferings on Earth. (Actually, He kind of said the exact opposite.) But what we do have in the midst of those trials and sufferings is amazing. And, in my opinion, something a relationship with a false deity or no belief in the Higher Power, can offer.
What we have on Earth is Peace and Joy. God gives us peace in the most horrific of circumstances, even when we don't understand it. While we cry, He weeps with us. He holds us in His arms. But then He does something incredible. He turns our mourning into JOY. His timing for that transition is unique in every situation. And we must let Him. It is usually subtle. It sneaks up on us. But He puts a glimmer of a smile where we never thought we'd find one again.
He gives us Trust. He allows us to trust Him and our fellow human beings. I think we're a suspicious breed by nature because we know the sin and deceit of which we're capable. But through Him, through the trust that He's gained by proving Himself faithful and true throughout the ages, we trust one another. And we become people who can be trusted.
He pours out Blessings. He desperately wants to spoil us with His love. And He's so creative in how He does it! Maybe our salary isn't as big as we think it out to be. But maybe our money stretches further because He allows our car not to break down. Or He provides a mechanic who cuts us a break. Or milk and bread are on sale when payday's a week away. Maybe He gives us blessings in the form of the lives He allows us to intersect. Maybe He puts your new lifelong bestie in your path in the most obscure and unlikely of ways.
And most of all, He gives us Grace and Mercy. For me, I cannot consider one of these attributes by itself. Grace is getting what we don't deserve. Mercy is not getting what we do deserve. How humbling both of those thoughts are! In a culture that preaches entitlement, it's an honor to know that our life is not steered by what we do or don't deserve. Our lives are guided by His richness in Glory. The Grace that I've received time and again is almost unfathomable. And the Mercy. Oh the Mercy. So often I continue to pray, "Please don't give me what I deserve!" And I have so much more than I could ask for or imagine. And the best part of all? His Mercies are new every morning. His faithfulness never ceases, even on this side of Heaven.
Don't get me wrong. The idea of spending an Eternity with the Creator greatly excites me. I believe in Heaven. But I don't think I'm supposed to rush to get there. God has given me so much here on Earth. I want to treasure and cherish every person, every blessing, every possible moment while I'm allowed. God is truly a God of Eternity. He stretches from Age to Age, Beginning to End. His love doesn't begin with our Death. So why should we limit His blessings and riches of LIFE to solely the afterlife?
Monday, July 15, 2013
My Infinitely Wise Perspective of Potty Training
Like so many other parents (of one child,) I am the quintessential expert on potty training and everyone should do everything exactly as I have because my child is perfect.
Yeah, I couldn't keep a straight face when I wrote that, either... But here's my reality. I read lots of books. I read lots of blogs. I listened to mommy-friends and mommies I either don't know or don't care for giving me both solicited and unsolicited advice. I read books that told me to let him run around naked. I heard people tell me to plan to not go anywhere for a week or better. I had people tell me he needs to be forced to do it when he's 2. I've heard that I shouldn't give up if it doesn't seem to be working because then the child will feel like he's "winning" and I'll never be the person in charge again.
I tried potty-training several months ago. I tried the methods in the book and the methods (that made sense) from moms I know, trust, respect, and admire. I tried letting him run around in just his underwear. I tried forcing him to drink constantly and making him pee every 15 minutes. I tried putting training toilets on towels in the living room and the bathroom. I tried, I tried, I tried. But after a while, Jackson just flat out laid down on the floor screaming, "I don't want the potty!" I offered him a choice of wearing big boy underwear or a baby diaper. He looked at me matter-of-factly and said, "Baby diaper."
So, I backed off. I put him back in diapers. I'd offer the option of the potty every so often, but I never pushed the issue. My philosophy became as follows (with wise insight from two fabulous moms): 1) If I turn this into a battle of wills, he may become too stubborn and actually do damage to his body (i.e. UTI or constipation) by refusing to toilet. 2) Nobody ever started kindergarten wearing diapers. 3) Regardless of how much I push, he won't be potty trained one day earlier than he chooses to. The only difference is how long we both spend being frustrated.
A couple of weeks ago, out of the clear blue sky (not having talked about it lately) I was about to put a diaper on him. "I want big boy underwear, Momma," he said. "Ok. But that means you have to go pee-pee in the potty, not in the pants," I explained. (Duh! Of course I told him he could wear underwear!) Early on, he had a few accidents. He'd refuse to use the toilet only to have an accident. He's still not great about telling me (I have to tell, not ask, him.) But he's agreeing to it now and slowly getting better. He's learning to say "I don't need to go," instead of "I don't like the potty!" He's even gotten to the point where he'll come find me and tell me he needs to "pook." (His word, not mine.)
He's been accident-free for probably 5 days or better. This includes going to the gym, dance and tumbling class, the park, long drives, and other people's homes. He's getting to the point where he's waking up from naps and even in the morning bone-dry. (Not every time, but more often than I'd expect.) All that to say, I'm all for being the parent. I'm all for being the person responsible for his well-being and see that he develops on track, eats healthily(ish), has manners, and generally turns out (hopefully) to be a kind and responsible adult in a couple of decades. But in this particular circumstance, for this particular parent and child pair, it has definitely been the right decision to have this be a child-initiated event.
So, as I said previously, do everything exactly as I say. Because (this second time around,) potty training is pretty darn easy, laid back, relatively unfrustrating, and ridiculously rewarding. BE LIKE ME!
Yeah, I couldn't keep a straight face when I wrote that, either... But here's my reality. I read lots of books. I read lots of blogs. I listened to mommy-friends and mommies I either don't know or don't care for giving me both solicited and unsolicited advice. I read books that told me to let him run around naked. I heard people tell me to plan to not go anywhere for a week or better. I had people tell me he needs to be forced to do it when he's 2. I've heard that I shouldn't give up if it doesn't seem to be working because then the child will feel like he's "winning" and I'll never be the person in charge again.
I tried potty-training several months ago. I tried the methods in the book and the methods (that made sense) from moms I know, trust, respect, and admire. I tried letting him run around in just his underwear. I tried forcing him to drink constantly and making him pee every 15 minutes. I tried putting training toilets on towels in the living room and the bathroom. I tried, I tried, I tried. But after a while, Jackson just flat out laid down on the floor screaming, "I don't want the potty!" I offered him a choice of wearing big boy underwear or a baby diaper. He looked at me matter-of-factly and said, "Baby diaper."
So, I backed off. I put him back in diapers. I'd offer the option of the potty every so often, but I never pushed the issue. My philosophy became as follows (with wise insight from two fabulous moms): 1) If I turn this into a battle of wills, he may become too stubborn and actually do damage to his body (i.e. UTI or constipation) by refusing to toilet. 2) Nobody ever started kindergarten wearing diapers. 3) Regardless of how much I push, he won't be potty trained one day earlier than he chooses to. The only difference is how long we both spend being frustrated.
A couple of weeks ago, out of the clear blue sky (not having talked about it lately) I was about to put a diaper on him. "I want big boy underwear, Momma," he said. "Ok. But that means you have to go pee-pee in the potty, not in the pants," I explained. (Duh! Of course I told him he could wear underwear!) Early on, he had a few accidents. He'd refuse to use the toilet only to have an accident. He's still not great about telling me (I have to tell, not ask, him.) But he's agreeing to it now and slowly getting better. He's learning to say "I don't need to go," instead of "I don't like the potty!" He's even gotten to the point where he'll come find me and tell me he needs to "pook." (His word, not mine.)
He's been accident-free for probably 5 days or better. This includes going to the gym, dance and tumbling class, the park, long drives, and other people's homes. He's getting to the point where he's waking up from naps and even in the morning bone-dry. (Not every time, but more often than I'd expect.) All that to say, I'm all for being the parent. I'm all for being the person responsible for his well-being and see that he develops on track, eats healthily(ish), has manners, and generally turns out (hopefully) to be a kind and responsible adult in a couple of decades. But in this particular circumstance, for this particular parent and child pair, it has definitely been the right decision to have this be a child-initiated event.
So, as I said previously, do everything exactly as I say. Because (this second time around,) potty training is pretty darn easy, laid back, relatively unfrustrating, and ridiculously rewarding. BE LIKE ME!
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