Love Is...

As I approach this new year, as I reflect on my parents' relationship, as I evaluate my own marriage, it got me contemplating what or how Love is shown. 

For me, Love is...

*riding in a car for 8 hours without getting on one another's nerves.

*loving to talk with the other person, but being equally comfortable in the silence. 

*tolerating a radio station you would not choose because the other person enjoys it.  (we both did that yesterday!)

*reaching for a hand to hold and knowing it will be there. 

*singing along at the top of your lungs without being embarrassed. 

*knowing you can sob all over your loved one's shoulder over a major life disappointment without feeling like you should suck it up and get over it.

*getting the other person a glass of water or going to pick up their favorite food without huffing or eye-rolling.

*feeling free to ask the aforementioned favor.

*taking a walk together just because you enjoy one another's company.

*curling up watching TV or sitting beside one another reading.  knowing it's not always even about the activity, it's about being together.  it's about sharing space and life.

*the overwhelming feeling of gratitude that the other person has chosen YOU to spend their life with.

*the overwhelming feeling of gratitude that you chose them as well.  and that, no matter how deep into the journey you are, you still like the other person.

*knowing that your life will never be the same.

*not looking for greener grass, but tending your own together.

*every little, fantastic thing that, by itself may seem insignificant.  but when you add them all up, it means love.

A Godly Marriage

To have a Godly marriage, or even a healthy marriage, is something most people strive towards but often find challenging.  It's even harder if you haven't been able to witness it in action on a daily basis.  But I have.  As has almost anyone who's ever encountered Jim or Mary Davis for more that 2 minutes.

Two things in particular have stuck in my mind since childhood.  They were spoken by my parents, then acted upon.  When I was twelve, I asked my mother how she knew she still loved Dad.  After all, I assumed the romantic butterflies had faded.  She said, “love is a choice you make every day when you wake up.”  I also remember hearing my dad tell my brother and I, very matter-of-factly (with no meanness whatsoever) “I love your mother more than I love you.” 

For 14,610 days, they have chosen to wake up and love one another.  They have lived a life putting one another first, over everyone else.  As they should!  They have made tough choices and sacrifices.  They have never had brand-name everythings and gigantic paychecks.  Yet they both consider themselves blessed beyond measure.  They've been able to travel the world together.  I love that after 40 years, they are still one another's best friends and favorite traveling companions. 

Oh sure, they have had moments of being annoyed by one another.  But I can probably count on one hand the number of times I ever heard them fight.  But I remember one time in particular, cross words were spoken.  Not only did they make up and the offending party apologized, the offender actually apologized to my brother and I as well.  The apology was not for fighting in front of us.  It was for acting disrespectfully toward our parent and for not cherishing their spouse.  The fight lasted a matter of minutes and was instantly followed by the apology.  The craziest thing about apologizing to my brother and I is that we were already adults.

The example these two are of choosing love daily is mindblowing.  The thing I find equally impressive is how easy they make the choice on the other person!  Each would probably credit the other with making the marriage easy.  I’ve never thought either of them was struggling to love one another.  He still thinks she’s the most beautiful woman in any and every room.  She still thinks he’s the kindest, most generous man she’s ever known.  I think they’re both right.

Happy Anniversary.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas.  I write this in the 3 am hour because I could not sleep.  I don't know why.  It's not childlike giddiness.  It's annoying, grown-up, I-had-to-pee-two-hours-ago-and-haven't-been-able-to-sleep-again-since-so-I-might-as-well-get-out-of-bed.  So here I am, contemplating Christmas and life.  Here's what I've come up with...

Christmas is a beautiful time of year, usually.  Homes are decorated inside and out.  A general good-naturedness kicks in a little more among friends and strangers.  People put forth effort in making or buying things for loved ones, at least thinking of and considering them.  (Yes, there's drama and commercialism.  But we'll save the complaints for another time.)  Yet I understand that there can be an ache, a pain that comes with the holiday.

For those who have no family, it can feel very isolating.  For those who's table is a little smaller because of a recent death of a loved one, the empty chair is the most glaringly obvious, or sometimes only, thing seen.  For a marriage that crumbled, especially with children involved, there is pain, divisiveness, bitterness, anger, and guilt.  For the couple struggling with infertility, be it primary or secondary, there can be a difficulty in missing the twinkle of a child's eye or delight in their laughter that might never be heard or seen.

All that to say, Life rarely turns out the way we expect.  That's one of my favorite things to say, especially to young people.  (Actually, I usually say, "Life rarely turns out the way you expect, but that's usually a good thing."  I'll do a whole separate post on this soon.)  It got me thinking more.  Jesus Christ, maker of Heaven and Earth, all-knowing Creator, experienced this, too.

Life did not turn out the way He designed.  He knew, yes.  But Life was not what it was intended, aka expected, to be.  Creation rebelled.  Man fell.  So He chose to come.  Did His earthly life play out the way He expected?  (Not knew, expected...)  Did He expect to have to be on the run as an infant in order to survive to adolescence?  Probably not.  Did He expect His parents or siblings to think He was a bit off His rocker?  Nope.  Did He want to have His best friends deny or betray Him?  I don't believe so.  Did He want to suffer the humiliation and physical trauma of crucifixion?  Undoubtedly no.  He even asked for the cup to pass if there was another way.  He knew.  But He still did not want.

Life didn't play out the way Jesus would have scripted if He had written scenes and words for actors to play and say.  But He lived it so perfectly, so humanly, and so Godly.  So, as I reflect on Emmanuel, God With Us, Creator living in His creation, I realize that even He, the Author, had an unexpected Life.

Whether your life is as you intended, as you planned, as you expected, or not, consider this.  God gave us every breath.  He counted them all.  He knew.  No matter how beautiful or painful your life is at this moment, your life, because of His, is precious.  Your life is as He knew it would be.  Your life is as He can handle.  Your life is a blessing.  Honor Him by living it well.  Because no matter what you thought it would be, it is as it is.  And it is a gift.

My Take on Duck Dynasty

I am saddened for the misinterpretation surrounding Phil Robertson's comments.  He never compared homosexuality to bestiality or terrorism, as he's being accused of doing.  He was asked, "what, in your mind, is sinful?"  Ok, so the interviewer not only asked what is sinful, but phrased it "in your mind?"  In your opinion.  In your way of thinking.  In your interpretation.

He started a list of what he believes sinful behavior is.  A list that is in the Bible.  Guess what else is on would be on that list, according to the Bible?  Lying.  Judging.  Denying God.  He also included sleeping around with lots of women.  Most people, particularly Christians and / or married folks, would agree that's not something you should do.  Most people would agree that terrorism is not something you should do.  Most people would agree that bestiality is not something you should do. 

He also went on to say that he was not judging or would ever act unkindly towards someone he disagreed with on spiritual issues.  He leaves that to God.  Why is it that his remarks are being misinterpreted?  And why is it that he is being persecuted suddenly for being a Christian.  The family prays at the end of every episode!  They are on "I Am Second" billboards.  Are people surprised to find out he is a Christian? 

Considering the question the interviewer asked, I guess I'm really unclear what anyone expected him to say.  Everyone sins. Period.  Non-negotiable.  Even Phil.  Sin is offensive.   If we didn't all sin, we wouldn't need God.  We wouldn't need Jesus.  God wouldn't have sent His Son.  We wouldn't be in this season of Christmas.  

And why, oh why, oh why can we not disagree with people without being perceived as bigoted, homophobic, or any other negative label?  Why is it not believable that we might actually be able to love someone without agreeing with every decision they make on how they live their lives?  Why is it not believable that we can make mistakes and sin, acknowledge it as sin, seek forgiveness, and still love ourselves and our God? 

Can you hear me say I don't believe sex outside of marriage?  Can you forgive me when I fall short of that?  Can you believe me when I say I love you unconditionally when you're living with your boyfriend / girlfriend?  I may not agree with you, I may not have always lived up to the standard I hold to be true, but I do always love you and still love me.

Sin sucks.  Sin offends.  God forgives.  God loves.  Phil loves.  I love.