A young woman passed away a week or two after suffering severe complications from childbirth.  She slipped into a coma shortly after giving birth to a healthy daughter who bears her name.  Last night or early today, she slipped away to heaven.  Her husband and five daughters are left to carry on without her.  Yet still he praises God.  My heart breaks for all six of them.

With the passing of the friend of friends at way too young of an age, I am flooded with memories, emotion, pain, and insight.  This entry is to try and focus on the insight (although I cannot promise pain or memories will not freckle the landscape of this article.)

I hate that I had to say good-bye to a husband at such a young age.  But I am grateful we had the opportunity to say everything that needed to be said.  I knew what he wanted done with his remains.  I knew what kind of service he wanted.  I even knew his hopes and dreams for my future without him.  We spoke at length about everything, good, bad, easy, hard, and most definitely ugly!  But what about this sweet young family who faced an unexpected good-bye?  I know she had no expectation of slipping into a wordless coma when she started laboring with her precious daughter. 

And so, tonight, I took the opportunity to talk to my sweet husband God gave me.  I told him, "If, Heaven forbid, anything ever happens to me, I'm not mad at God.  I do not blame him.  If I am ever taken from you, be angry at the devil.  I love God and know He is never the cause of bad things happening.  I love you with all my heart.  I always will, no matter what.  But I will never blame God, so please don't either.  And tell our son not to blame God."

Yes, maybe I'm borrowing trouble.  I think we're all colored with our experiences.  And experiencing the loss of a spouse makes us feel very deeply when someone else does, too.  So, at the risk of not having the opportunity to say everything that I would want to say in those last months, weeks, days, or hours, I will say them tonight.  I will say them when I am safe and healthy.  I will pray those words never have to echo in his ears or heart.  But at the risk of borrowing trouble, I will leave nothing unsaid in this relationship, either.