I have self-diagnosed a condition today that I believe I inherited from my mother. I believe it to be contagious to my child as well as others around me. It can be permanent or not. I am not upset with my mother, nor do I apologize if someone else does catch it.
I believe I have "Pollyanna Syndrome." Yep, I'm talking about the tireless optimism and seeing the good in the rough stuff, as exemplified by Hayley Mills in the Disney film from the 60s.
The day started out simply enough. I was heading to breakfast with my husband and son when I started to slip on a coat. My husband laughingly asked, "Would you do me a favor? Would you not wear that coat? I really don't like it." I laughed and replied that the coat held no significance to me and I'd be happy to wear something different. Pollyanna lessons: (1) I have other coats and it doesn't impede me to not wear that one. Aren't I lucky to have multiple coats to choose from! (2) I get to bless someone with a perfectly functional and warm coat that just happens to not be my husband's taste. (3) I have a husband who's willing to tell me the truth in a gentle way because he likes the way I look (not because he doesn't.) I have someone who doesn't make me feel ugly or unattractive when he addresses my clothes. And I have someone with an opinion as opposed to someone who doesn't see me.
Then I was talking on the phone to my fantastic mother. I can't even remember how, but we started talking about friendships, relationships, and feelings. I was never popular in high school. I told her, no matter what age I am, no matter how old I get or where I go, no matter whether I work outside the home or not, there will always be "cool kids" and I'm just not one of them. It wasn't a pity party. Just a fact. My mother confessed she felt the same way. In her college days (which were a few years back) there was a drill team. Her friends always seemed to make it and she never did. Even reflecting back, it still stings. Feelings still are hurt when I am excluded from activities I would enjoy. But I refuse to get bitter or angry. Pollyanna lessons: (1) I wasn't "cool" in high school or college, but I was friends with people from every clique. I knew pretty much everybody and was relatively well-liked. I didn't have issues with anyone. (2) I could wonder what made them different or better than me. But my job is to be the best Christy I can be. (3) I am a good friend to those I hold dear and I reach out to those I don't know. (4) I have enough empathy from my own "been there, done thats" to be deliberate in making others feel included.
I'm not the prettiest girl in the world. I'm not the snazziest dresser (refer to the coat incident.) But I try to do what I can with what I've got (without breaking the proverbial bank.) The other night, my darling hubby and I were watching something and I noticed I had the same shirt as someone on TV. I jokingly said, "It looks better on me." He laughed and said, "Actually, it looks better on her. You're way too cool for that shirt." Wait...I'm too COOL?!?!? (see above.) Pollyanna Lesson: I may not be married to a guy who fawns over me every day and tells me constantly how gorgeous I am. But I know he loves me. I know he thinks I'm pretty. I know he's glad he married me. After all, he comes home to me every day. He kisses and hugs me. And even when he tells me he doesn't like something, he makes me feel beautiful in the telling of it.
I don't have to be the coolest, prettiest, best dressed, or trendiest. I'm a good "me" and that's more than enough!
Awwww!
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