Family

Yes, the time stamp on this is correct. It's about 4 am as I write this. It doesn't feel particularly early to me right now, as I have laid in bed since 10:30ish without having fallen asleep. The boredom finally bested me, so I'm up. I'll sleep tomorrow night. Hopefully. As I lie there in the bed of my childhood with my son in his pack-n-play, I got to thinking about family. (This entry isn't written from a particular incident or about anyone. So don't try to interpret it as such or "see yourself" in this. It's just the random thoughts of a sleepless brain.)

There's family we're born into, family we marry into, and family we choose. There's adoption of the legal sense and adoption of those around us we love and call family when our "real" ones aren't nearby. Family can be a blessing of immeasurable worth. They can also be far and away the biggest cause of sorrow, frustration, and even anger. Just ask the father and brother of the prodigal son. I believe we all have a mindset of what family should be. And then there's the reality of family.

Families are, unfortunately, all flawed. You see, they're made up of people. And last time I looked around, there was only ever one flawless person. So often, we put family members on pedestals of expectations. When they fall short of our expectations, realistic or not, they have "failed" us. Sometimes, we have to choose to walk away from family members. Sometimes for a brief season, sometimes we must cut ties. I don't judge. But I do think it is always a sad outcome.

Since I have moved away from my family, my appreciation for them has deepened. I miss them when I'm gone. I'm cherish them when we're together. I make more of an effort to talk to them, even about the mundane, everyday, boring stuff. For me, that's what keeps me connected. It's not just calling on holidays or skyping on birthdays. It's a call because it's Wednesday or skyping because my son is being extra-silly or cute.

I have found family in co-workers, in new friends who share similar paths and life experiences. I have drawn strength in their kindness and felt deep wounds when we inadvertently hurt one another or fail to meet expectations. I have lost family members, including some that I've had to walk away from. Hopefully for a season, but probably longer.

I hope I give my son a good family. I hope we give him a name he's proud to bear. I hope he grows up loving his immediate and extended family. I hope he marries into a kind and good family. I hope he chooses to surround himself with those who can act as family if he's not close to home. Or even if he is.

In all this, what I have learned is, even when you have to walk away, family is still family. Good, bad, and ugly. Make the best of it you possibly can. Family is forever.