In case you have not yet guessed, I am a Christian. And for the past few days, I've kind of had tunnel vision on a particular passage in the Bible. Psalm 139:1-18. Go read it for yourself. It's pretty darn cool.
But my point of this entry is not to do anything other than explain what I've been feeling and learning from this scripture lately. One of the things it talks about is how God formed us in our mother's womb. If God formed us, even though we live in a fallen and sinful world, we're all made exactly how we are supposed to be. Some people are born with seemingly horrible or debilitating conditions. But somehow, God has purpose in all of them.
This week (well, the past couple of weeks) has been challenging. Our knucklehead is 21-months-old and not saying much. We've had him tested through an early intervention program and with an Ear, Nose & Throat specialist. He starts therapy tomorrow to improve his speech and general communication. He has surgery Friday to put tubes in his ears, which will hopefully alleviate ear infections, improve his hearing, and result in him speaking. There's a small level of guilt for me because my hearing is horrid and I had numerous sets of tubes as a child. So I feel like I "gave" it to him.
I had to take Jackson to our pediatrician on Monday for a height / weight check because his proportion changed slightly at 18 months and they wanted to follow up to make sure his ratio didn't change. So, we went for something that should have been boring and routine. Our fantastically pro-active physician listened to his chest and said, "Have I ever mentioned a heart murmur before?" Um....no. I would have remembered that!
The doctor ordered an echocardiogram to check his heart and told me we needed it done before Friday or we should postpone the surgery. After all, hearts take priorities over ears. He told me it was probably nothing to worry about, but he'd rather be safe than sorry. Especially before subjecting him to surgery!
We went today and found out that his heart is structurally sound and very normal. He's healthy and can go forward with surgery without concern. YAY!!!! (Thanks, God!!!)
For as wonderful as that is to hear, I kept coming back to one thing. I have been so focused on the communication therapy and surgery needed to "fix" my son. But "fixing" something requires that said object be broken. And my son's not broken. He's made exactly as he was meant to be. I know ear infections and delayed speech are extremely minor things. But when it's your baby, there's no such thing as minor.
I have a nephew who was born with vision in only one eye. We were all shocked when we found this out at his birth. It wasn't an easy thing to cope with or accept initially. But guess what? He's EXACTLY who and how he's supposed to be. He's absolutely perfect. His folks are very proactive to provide him with a normal, active life while being mindful to protect the vision he does have. He's an amazingly energetic, intelligent, and fun 6-year-old who I wouldn't trade for anything. And yes, if science and medicine ever makes it possible for him to regain sight in that eye, I'm sure his parents would consider pursuing it.
I don't have to accept that my son is seeming to get ear infections on a monthly basis if there's something that can be done to treat it. That's not good for him. That's not me being a good momma. But I also don't have to assume that surgery means he's broken.
No, my child, my nephew, and all of us are perfectly, wonderfully knit together in the secret place by a Holy and Perfect God who does not make mistakes. It's the quirks and perceived "flaws" that can be used in His glorious Plan for our lives. We may not understand it. We may never see the Big Picture and how those quirks are used. But that doesn't mean they aren't. So if my son has speech delays and lousy hearing, he's still perfect. It's just part of the quirky fabulousness that makes my boy, my boy!
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