Open Letter to Christy Turlington

Dear Christy,

I am a widow.  I have lost my maternal grandmother.  My husband has lost his father.  Trust me when I say, I know how loud the silence of death is.

But I am also now a mom.  And I am still blessed enough to have my mom.  So, no, Ms. Turlington.  I will not be silent.  I will take the opportunity on Mother's Day to wrap my arms around my son.  I will call my mother (who I DID send a card to) and tell her how much I appreciate her.  I will tell her how much I love her.  I will tell her how grateful I am for all she sacrificed on behalf of my brother, my father, and myself.  I will make sure she knows that she is the reason I am a good mom and wife to my family.  I will thank my husband for making me a mom and for all the privileges I am afforded as a stay-at-home-mom because of his hard work.  I will tell him how much I enjoy taking care of our son and of him.  I will tell my son that I will always love him and be here for him, even when I want to string him up by his toenails.

You see, Ms. Turlington, no one is ever guaranteed a tomorrow.  I cannot guarantee I will have a mom next Mother's Day or that I myself will still be here next year.  I do not know what fates await my husband and son. So I will not waste a day, whether Mother's Day or just a Tuesday, not communicating with them.  I won't not take the chance to tell my loved ones that, well, I love them.  I won't squander time, because that's a minute, an hour, a day, that I can never get back.  And I never know of who's it might be the last.  

So, while I appreciate your sentiment to stand in solidarity with mothers who have lost their lives, I cannot bring them back by ignoring my family.  I am happy to do research and find a worthy organization to partner with and donate time, energy, even money, to see that more moms get to celebrate Mother's Day.  To ask people to check out of their own lives, even for a day, in no way honors those that have passed.

Take a page from the ACS Relay for Life.  They honor those that have gone before, they honor and stand in solidarity with those battling for their lives, they honor those who have survived, and they honor those who have cared for loved ones.  But they never ask Relayers to quit living their lives in order to pay homage.  Instead, let's honor the lives lost by being the best moms, wives, daughters, women that we can.  Let's partner with Big Sister organizations to give children without moms a good, strong, kind, loving female role model to look up to and rely on.

Let's find ways to honor them with our voices, not our silence.  Silence speaks way too loud.  I know how much I missed the sounds after my husband passed.  I know how much my mom still wishes she could speak to her own mother, even twenty-plus years later.  I know how much my husband still wants his dad to be alive, to talk to, to show him the man and father he's become.  Death comes for us all, and often way too soon.  Silence does nothing but create unnecessary and premature gaps.  Do not create chasms of silence when you could fill lives with sounds of love.

Sincerely,

Christy Marie Davis Green Nunez
proud daughter of an amazing mom, proud wife of two amazing men, proud mom of an amazing son