It Takes a Village, part II

As previously mentioned, I fully buy in to the old adage that it takes a village to raise a child.  I utilize the support and knowledge of my spouse, family, and friends regularly.  I give advice when asked and I have something to contribute.  I ask for help when I need it.  But ultimately, I'm still the parent.  And I'm still responsible to make sure my child grows up to be a responsible citizen and a productive member of society.  My child is no one else's job (with the exception of my husband.)

Recently, I encountered a circumstance in which I felt the parent was relying too heavily on the "village" and not taking responsibility for their child.  I so badly wanted to say something but didn't feel it was my place.  So, in protecting their anonymity, I will now vent and encourage other parents not to behave thusly.

I recently attended a function where childcare was provided by volunteers.  This was NOT someone babysitting, getting paid, and in the protective walls of the family's home.  This was people giving up their time and ability to attend the function out of the kindness of their heart and the love of children.  A child was dropped off and started crying.  This in and of itself is not unusual or even unexpected.  In fact, several other children displayed similar behavior when being left.  But most of the kids were either soothed through rocking or redirecting.  The aforementioned child was having none of it.  He was throwing a tantrum and crying.  So he was initially ignored, operating under the assumption that he would cry himself in a few minutes.

He didn't.  So he was picked up and rocked.  He continued crying and asked to get down.  So he was put down.  Twenty minutes of inconsolable wailing was finally enough.  His parents were silently notified at the function that there was an issue and their attendance to said issue was required.  His father came and talked to his young (between 1 and 2-years-old) son, who continued sobbing.  Instead of the parent remaining with the child or, better yet, removing the child from the situation, the parent told the volunteers that they would be returning to the function and to just let the child cry.

I was flabbergasted.  I understand teaching discipline and self-control.  I understand not giving into the demands of a screaming toddler.  However, I do not understand allowing a child to cry uncontrollably in a room full of other children and unpaid workers.  The affect of the crying child was, shockingly, that other children cried and were upset far longer than they should and would have otherwise been.  The affect on the disrespected workers appalled me even more.  There was no consideration whatsoever for the kindness of these people who volunteered to watch this man's son.  The nerves of the volunteers must have been frayed beyond belief.  The child continued crying throughout the remainder of the almost-two-hour event.  He even began holding his stomach and doubling over because he was making himself sick with crying.

If you have ever found yourself in a situation where your child is upset and disruptive to the point that you are notified, please take your kid.  It's a nice way of them telling you they don't want you to leave your child in there!  It is inconsiderate, disrespectful, and quite unnecessary.  And if you don't think it's that big of a deal, step up to the plate.  Volunteer at the next event to watch everyone else's child.  And remember that your kid is your responsibility.  The village is just there for support.