Like so many other parents (of one child,) I am the quintessential expert on potty training and everyone should do everything exactly as I have because my child is perfect.
Yeah, I couldn't keep a straight face when I wrote that, either... But here's my reality. I read lots of books. I read lots of blogs. I listened to mommy-friends and mommies I either don't know or don't care for giving me both solicited and unsolicited advice. I read books that told me to let him run around naked. I heard people tell me to plan to not go anywhere for a week or better. I had people tell me he needs to be forced to do it when he's 2. I've heard that I shouldn't give up if it doesn't seem to be working because then the child will feel like he's "winning" and I'll never be the person in charge again.
I tried potty-training several months ago. I tried the methods in the book and the methods (that made sense) from moms I know, trust, respect, and admire. I tried letting him run around in just his underwear. I tried forcing him to drink constantly and making him pee every 15 minutes. I tried putting training toilets on towels in the living room and the bathroom. I tried, I tried, I tried. But after a while, Jackson just flat out laid down on the floor screaming, "I don't want the potty!" I offered him a choice of wearing big boy underwear or a baby diaper. He looked at me matter-of-factly and said, "Baby diaper."
So, I backed off. I put him back in diapers. I'd offer the option of the potty every so often, but I never pushed the issue. My philosophy became as follows (with wise insight from two fabulous moms): 1) If I turn this into a battle of wills, he may become too stubborn and actually do damage to his body (i.e. UTI or constipation) by refusing to toilet. 2) Nobody ever started kindergarten wearing diapers. 3) Regardless of how much I push, he won't be potty trained one day earlier than he chooses to. The only difference is how long we both spend being frustrated.
A couple of weeks ago, out of the clear blue sky (not having talked about it lately) I was about to put a diaper on him. "I want big boy underwear, Momma," he said. "Ok. But that means you have to go pee-pee in the potty, not in the pants," I explained. (Duh! Of course I told him he could wear underwear!) Early on, he had a few accidents. He'd refuse to use the toilet only to have an accident. He's still not great about telling me (I have to tell, not ask, him.) But he's agreeing to it now and slowly getting better. He's learning to say "I don't need to go," instead of "I don't like the potty!" He's even gotten to the point where he'll come find me and tell me he needs to "pook." (His word, not mine.)
He's been accident-free for probably 5 days or better. This includes going to the gym, dance and tumbling class, the park, long drives, and other people's homes. He's getting to the point where he's waking up from naps and even in the morning bone-dry. (Not every time, but more often than I'd expect.) All that to say, I'm all for being the parent. I'm all for being the person responsible for his well-being and see that he develops on track, eats healthily(ish), has manners, and generally turns out (hopefully) to be a kind and responsible adult in a couple of decades. But in this particular circumstance, for this particular parent and child pair, it has definitely been the right decision to have this be a child-initiated event.
So, as I said previously, do everything exactly as I say. Because (this second time around,) potty training is pretty darn easy, laid back, relatively unfrustrating, and ridiculously rewarding. BE LIKE ME!
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