Our Job as Parents

We automatically think of certain tasks when we think of the job of parents - changing diapers, feeding, disciplining, keeping said child alive for another day. While those and other tasks are certainly part of it, I challenge that notion. No one assumes a parent's job is complete when the child is potty trained or off to kindergarten. But I think people often forget that being a parent is a life-long commitment. It doesn't end when a child turns 18, or moves out, or even gets married.

I consider my job as a parent to raise my child to be a person I want to be friends with once they're an adult. (My job, however, is not to be their friend in the mean time.) Here's the thing, though. Once my kid IS an adult, my job is to get to know him for who he is at that point in time, not who he once was.

Just because my child likes The Wiggles now doesn't mean that's what he'll like when he's 16 or 35. Seems like a silly example, but I think it makes a point. By all means, take photos of your two-year-old dressed as Thomas the Train. Give her birthday parties with a Disney Princess theme. And feel free to remind them of all the fun and silliness that ensued when they were younger (especially once they're a teen!) But don't assume that because a kid likes Bob the Builder, they'll go into construction. Maybe they will. But probably not.

Hold fast to the memories,write down their "isms," but allow them the freedom to grow and explore. I used to be afraid to ride my bike on the street because it might hurt if I fall. Yesterday, I played football. Guess what? I fell. It didn't hurt. And it was great fun! Fear didn't stay with me forever and I'm grateful my parents don't assume I'm still fearful. My brother decided to take up golf in his 30s. My parents didn't think he was strange or it was a passing phase because he'd never expressed interest in it as a youth. Instead, my dad bought a set of clubs and decided to take up golf in his 50s, so he'd have another activity he could share with his son. (By the way, my parents are rockin' awesome...)

I've encountered too many sad situations in which adult children struggle with their parents because the parents fail to see the amazing adults their "little tykes" have become. Rather, they cling too tightly to yesterday instead of enjoying a new relationship with another adult for whom they have the honor and privilege of taking some level of credit!

I hope I can raise my knucklehead to be an adult I will enjoy spending time with as an adult. I hope I cherish the sweet quirks of his childhood. I hope I can let go enough to let him find his way into manhood. I hope I don't get such tunnel-vision that I fail to see the that man. I hope I will accept that wonderful man as a friend. I hope I show him enough courage and instill in him enough faith that he still trusts me. I hope he'll still come to me and his dad for advice, guidance, sharing joyful news, and to use as a sounding board. I hope he tolerates me and his dad enough to let us do the same. And I hope I can be a good enough mother-in-law that my kid and kid-in-law still want to spend time with me as well.