Today, Jackson and I went to McDonald's after storytime with another family. Jackson started off kind of playing on the ground level of their indoor play area. I was eating, talking, and periodically checking on him. After a couple of minutes, I noticed he was higher up in the play area with another girl, who was several years older. He was smiling and waving at me. She smiled and said, "I'm helping him." Ok. I'll (obviously) continue to keep an eye on him. But I thought that was sweet.
I'm not great at guessing other children's ages. But I'd peg the girl as somewhere in the 7-10 year-old range. I watched as she held his hand to help him up. I watched her clamor down a large step, then turn around and help gently lower him down. I watched as they laughed and smiled and waved and played together for a while longer until it was time for us to leave. I watched him blow her a kiss and give her a hug and a wave.
While we were walking out, I noticed a woman sitting outside of the play area, but at a table against that window. I approached and asked if her daughter was in the pink t-shirt and black leggings. Her eyes grew wide with expectation and she said, "Yes. What did she do?" I told this other mom how kind and sweet her daughter was to my little boy; how helpful she'd been; how much my son enjoyed playing with her. The mother sank back with relief into her chair and said, "You almost gave me a heart attack! I'm so glad to hear that, though. We try so hard to teach our kids to show kindness to others." I don't know if this woman's initial mindset was to defend her child against accusation or blister her tush if she'd acted out. But the visible relief and pride of being told a positive thing about her child was very obvious.
I told the mom, "She was really good with him. You're doing a great job. I think too often parents are only told when their kids mess up. So I wanted to make sure you also heard when she was being a great kid." She beamed and agreed with me. She gave Jackson a smile and a wave. And at that moment, the little girl popped over to the window, still on the other side and flashed Jackson a giant grin.
I know how much I appreciate hearing that my two-year-old has behaved well or brought joy or a smile to someone. I can only imagine that probably becomes more rare as children get older. We hear so much negative stuff about tweens and teens. We expect them to be rude and sarcastic and bored and quick-tempered. What if we actually acknowledge the positive as well, instead of just the negative? Maybe, just maybe, it'll encourage them to continue doing good and kind things with no self-serving interest.
So today, I challenge myself. If I notice someone, especially a young person, doing something well or acting with selfless kindness, I will applaud them. I will praise and encourage them. Not just when it has to do with my child, but anytime. And maybe they'll glean a sense of pride in themselves instead of becoming sullen and thinking "no one says anything to me unless I screw up." Maybe it'll make a bully less bully-ish. Maybe it'll give a withdrawn kid some confidence. Maybe it'll make someone feel noticed and validated and important. Maybe not. But it sure can't hurt anything.
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