In case you managed to miss it, a blogger from Great Britain, Samantha Brick, recently struck an international nerve as she lamented the downsides of her life because of her alleged beauty. (Here's the link: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2124246/Samantha-Brick-downsides-looking-pretty-Why-women-hate-beautiful.html)
And in case you missed it, Trayvon Martin, a young African-American teenager, unarmed, was killed in a Florida neighborhood in February. This too, has set off a firestorm in the media.
They seem like unrelated issues. But both Trayvon and Samantha are in the news as a result of treatment based on their appearances.
I didn't intend to address either of these issues, but somehow feel drawn to it this evening. (And no, it wasn't a slow or boring day in the Nunez home.)
I would not judge a person because they were a leggy blonde or because they were wearing a hooded sweatshirt. I don't care if someone is fat, skinny, black, white, asian, latino, tall, short, or a 10-foot-tall, one-eyed, one-horned, giant purple people eater. (Okay, if you're a people eater, I do judge and take issue with you. But otherwise, you're in the clear.)
I find I often struggle with reconciling the world we live in with the world in which I want to live. I don't want to make everyone think exactly as I do. But I cannot understand kindness or disdain that exists based solely on superficiality.
Trayvon did not deserve to die because he was black, wearing a sweatshirt, or visiting a friend. Samantha does not deserve to be driven out of a job or showered with gifts by random strangers because of her beauty. But somehow, Trayvon is dead and poor Samantha is getting free champagne.
If I show love, compassion, or kindness, assume it's because you're a good person or (Heaven forbid!) I'm a good person. Maybe I'm nice just to be nice. Not because you're pretty and I want to hang out with "the cool kids." And not because you're homely and I pity you.
If you're mean, I may not care for you. But it's because you're mean. Not because of how you look.
If I'm afraid, it's because my gut, my woman's intuition, my instincts, are telling me something's not kosher. It isn't the color of your skin or the clothes you're wearing or even your gender.
If I disagree with the president, let me disagree with his politics irregardless of either of our races.
I don't understand why people act the way they do. I don't know how to explain to my son why some people are mean because of how people look. I was bullied growing up. Based on the comments, some of it was my physical appearance (frizzy perm, coke-bottle glasses, braces, and almost a foot taller than everyone else in class.) It hurt more than I wish it had. But it made me sensitive to that kind of treatment. Whether you're given the world on a silver platter because you're gorgeous or unkindly singled out and treated badly, it's not right. And I don't get it.
I don't want to get it. I don't want to understand it. I don't want my son raised seeing and hearing that it happens. I don't want him ever treating someone disrespectfully because of how they look. I don't want him befriending someone based on the label in the back of their shirt. I don't want him coming home upset because someone made a racial slur. I don't want him not learning how to work hard and be generous and earn what he wants because someone wanted to do it for him because he's attractive.
Don't misunderstand me. I will continue to try and look nice. I will continue to smile at people. I hope my smile will brighten someone's day. But I won't do it in expectation of anything else. (Well, maybe a smile in return.) I will tell my son (and any future child) to look presentable. I will encourage him (them) to smile at others and be friendly. I will tell them to be cautious of their surroundings.
But I refuse to raise a child with a sense of entitlement. I refuse to raise a child scared to walk around a neighborhood. I refuse to raise a child "too" anything! I want him to be well-balanced, kind, caring, and aware. But I want him to be blind to the superficial things. I still cling to King's Dream. I want my child to have opportunities beyond my wildest imaginings. I want him to have doors opened to him. Based on the content of his character. Not his height, weight, complexion, last name, first name, hair color, clothing, eye color, or the size of his ears. Not on anything but the content of his character.
Now then, how do I change the rest of the world?
No comments:
Post a Comment