My son is my guide

I have been going through a REALLY rough time lately.  What I want, hope for, expect, pray for, etc. are not lining up with my current reality.  And it's been going on for a while.  Feeling betrayed by my own body, questioning why things are the way the are, wondering if I should just give up.  I am trying to keep a positive outlook and attitude.  But some days, it's easier said than done.

Lately, my son has not been wanting to read the Bible at night before bed, as our usual routine used to be.  Tonight, he acquiesced. And tonight, the passage from his children's Bible was exactly what I needed to hear.  It's always been one of my favorite reminders from God.  But I guess I've forgotten it as of late.  "Consider the lilies..."  Oh yeah.  If God takes care of, provides for, feeds them...and not only provides but makes this fleeting thing more beautiful than Solomon's robes...how much more will He care for, provide for, feed...me.  And how blessed does He want my life to be?  He wants to give me beauty for ashes.  He wants to give me joy instead of mourning.

Then...oh, the waterworks!  Most nights, when my son prays, it's a very rushed, habitual prayer of the same words that are only distinguishable because of habit.  "Dear-God-please-bless-mommy-daddy-and-me-in-Jesus-name-Amen."  Like...all. one. word!  But tonight...tonight he prayed from his heart.  I don't know what it is, but the sincere prayers of a little heart are so full of hope and life and expectation!  There is no fumbling with trying to sound worthy or meek.  The prayer was bold and precious and yet gentle.  And you know what?  He will ask me tomorrow morning if God said yes to his prayer yet.  Because he believes!  Oh to have faith like my child! 

I want to remember...the promises of God are Yes and Amen!  I want to try to have faith like MY child.  I want to expect and boldly ask.  I want to not be so jaded and broken that I quit asking or daring to hope.  I want to quit rationalizing that, since the answer has been no up to this point, that it will probably always be no.  I want to believe again. 

I know I am blessed.  I have never doubted that.  I know not to ask "why me" because the truth is, "why not me?"  I am not so special as to be given a free pass from pain or suffering.  Especially when that is where God's glory is best and most revealed.  I know I am so blessed, so why shouldn't I be attacked by the enemy at my heart's most tender points?  I am not Job.  Heaven knows I am not holy enough to be Job.  Nor have I suffered as he and I will not pretend to have.

Job continued to believe.  My son continues to believe.  Why shouldn't I? 

Considering lilies...